Better than excellent condition.
NUMBER 68
"The main thing wrong with the younger generation is.
A lot of us don't belong to it anymore!"
-Alfred E. Neuman
PUBLISHER: William M. Gaines
ART DIRECTOR: John Putnam
"AD" LIBS DEPARTMENT
JANUARY 1962
UD
EDITORIAL ASSOCIATES: Jerry De Fuccio, Nick Meglin
LAWSUITS: Martin J. Scheiman. PROPAGANDA MINISTER: Larry Gore
SUBSCRIPTIONS: Gloria Orlando, Celia Morelli, Anthony Giordano
CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS AND WRITERS:
The Usual Gang of Idiots
DEPARTMENTS
EDITOR: Albert B. Feldstein
PRODUCTION: Leonard Brenner
Some Editorial Additions to "Beer Ads"
ALL HELLAS BREAKS LOOSE DEPARTMENT
"The Guns Of Minestrone".
CHANNEL CROSSING DEPARTMENT
Midnight TV Roulette..
DON MARTIN DEPARTMENT
The Appointment. **********
The Escalator...
8-BALL IN THE EXTREME RIGHT POCKET DEPARTMENT
Celebrities' Wallets.........
ELEMENTS OF SURPRISE DEPARTMENT
The Truth About Secret Ingredients..
LETTERS DEPARTMENT
Some Random Samplings Of Reader Mail.
MARGINAL THINKING DEPARTMENT
"Namelies"-A New MAD Game....
NEVER ON SUNDAY-PAGES DEPARTMENT
The Comic Strip Characters' Christmas Party...
****
NYETS TO YOU DEPARTMENT
"Tovarich"-A Castro-Killed Cuban Cartoon Feature........31
POP'S CONCERT DEPARTMENT
What Do You Do For A Living, Daddy?.
SORORITY, WRONG NUMBER DEPARTMENT
College Fraternities....
THE CLAUS THAT DEPRESSES DEPARTMENT
A MAD Look At Christmas....
THE HOUSE THAT JERK BUILT DEPARTMENT
Inspirational Poems By And For Building Men...
WATCH MY LINE DEPARTMENT
A MAD Guide To Languages Of The U.S.A........
WHAT NEVER HAPPENED TO-? DEPARTMENT
If "Stars" Had Ordinary Jobs.....
**Various Places Around The Magazine
MAD-Jan., 1962, Vol. 1, Number 68, is published monthly except February, May,
August and November, by E.C. Publications, Inc., at 850 Third Avenue, New York 22,
New York. Second Class Postage paid at New York, N. Y. Subscriptions, 9 issues for $2.00
in the U.S. Elsewhere, $2.50. Allow 6 weeks for change of address to become effective. Entire
contents copyright 1961 by E.C. Publications, Inc. The Publisher and Editors will not be
responsible for unsolicited manuscripts and request all manuscripts be accompanied by a
stamped, self-addressed return envelope. The names of characters used in all MAD fiction and
are fictitious. A similarity without satiric purpose to a living person is a
coincidence.
Printed in U.S.A.
VITAL FEATURES
MIDNIGHT TV ROULETTE........
4
This new game affords a
relief from those horror.
movies and the Jack Paar
Show-which is a horror
any way you look at it!
IF "STARS" HAD ORDINARY JOBS......10
Here's what some big TV
and Movie Stars would be
doing if they hadn't got-
ten that "lucky break"-
mainly doing honest work!
CELEBRITIES' WALLETS.......
18
MAD peeks inside Senator
Barry Goldwater's wallet.
-examines its contents-
and finds that things are
all "right" in his world!
THE COMICS CHRISTMAS PARTY...24
Office Xmas Parties are
where most people choose
to become characters, but
here's a party where the
characters become people.
LANGUAGES OF THE U.S.A.....
27
There are several kinds
of business languages in
the U.S.A., but they all
I have a basic origin, the
language of double-talk!
FRATERNITIES
31144CNA
33
MAD takes a look at the
goings-on inside College.
Fraternities, and finds
that all men are brothers
... until they join one!
WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING?....39
Sometimes, Daddies have
a tough time explaining
how they make a living
to their youngsters-
at least we do at MAD!
THE GUNS OF MINESTRONE.....45
THRY PONT
N
REAL GUN
MAD levels a "blast" at
the "Guns" with a "burst"
of gags in an "explosive"
version that manages to
end up as a bigger "bomb"
----------- 2 -----------
CHANNEL CROSSING DEPT.
About a year ago, MAD offered an article called "Commercial Roulette" in which
we showed the risks involved in constant dial-switching when the commercial
comes on - mainly you might end up catching only the commercials. But nowadays,
there's an even worse risk involved in constant dial-switching - mainly you might
end up with what the TV networks offer as entertainment. However, there is a
time of day when lots of fun can be had by constant dial-switching, and that's
late at night, when the majority of people the ones that count - have gone to
bed, and the networks relax and pacify late viewers with cheap entertainment like
-
----------- 3 -----------
SORORITY, WRONG NUMBER DEPT.
newly arrived on college campuses this year, may now be wondering whether or not to join a fraternity-
You MAD readers who, through some extraordinary combination of luck and circumstance, found yourselves
in the unlikely event that you might be asked. During the "Rushing Season," suave frat men will woo you
inexperienced clods, you may be completely snowed under by this deluge of propaganda. To educate you,
with extravagant sales pitches for their organizations-and since most of you are undoubtedly naive and
and at the same time protect you, MAD now turns a very skeptical eye on the claims that are made by ...
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College
Fraternities
ARTIST: GEORGE WOODBRIDGE
WHAT THEY SAY...
WRITER: DON REILLY
WHAT WE SAY...