Better than excellent condition.

NUMBER 68

"The main thing wrong with the younger generation is.

A lot of us don't belong to it anymore!"

-Alfred E. Neuman

PUBLISHER: William M. Gaines

ART DIRECTOR: John Putnam

"AD" LIBS DEPARTMENT

JANUARY 1962

UD

EDITORIAL ASSOCIATES: Jerry De Fuccio, Nick Meglin

LAWSUITS: Martin J. Scheiman. PROPAGANDA MINISTER: Larry Gore

SUBSCRIPTIONS: Gloria Orlando, Celia Morelli, Anthony Giordano

CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS AND WRITERS:

The Usual Gang of Idiots

DEPARTMENTS

EDITOR: Albert B. Feldstein

PRODUCTION: Leonard Brenner

Some Editorial Additions to "Beer Ads"

ALL HELLAS BREAKS LOOSE DEPARTMENT

"The Guns Of Minestrone".

CHANNEL CROSSING DEPARTMENT

Midnight TV Roulette..

DON MARTIN DEPARTMENT

The Appointment. **********

The Escalator...

8-BALL IN THE EXTREME RIGHT POCKET DEPARTMENT

Celebrities' Wallets.........

ELEMENTS OF SURPRISE DEPARTMENT

The Truth About Secret Ingredients..

LETTERS DEPARTMENT

Some Random Samplings Of Reader Mail.

MARGINAL THINKING DEPARTMENT

"Namelies"-A New MAD Game....

NEVER ON SUNDAY-PAGES DEPARTMENT

The Comic Strip Characters' Christmas Party...

****

NYETS TO YOU DEPARTMENT

"Tovarich"-A Castro-Killed Cuban Cartoon Feature........31

POP'S CONCERT DEPARTMENT

What Do You Do For A Living, Daddy?.

SORORITY, WRONG NUMBER DEPARTMENT

College Fraternities....

THE CLAUS THAT DEPRESSES DEPARTMENT

A MAD Look At Christmas....

THE HOUSE THAT JERK BUILT DEPARTMENT

Inspirational Poems By And For Building Men...

WATCH MY LINE DEPARTMENT

A MAD Guide To Languages Of The U.S.A........

WHAT NEVER HAPPENED TO-? DEPARTMENT

If "Stars" Had Ordinary Jobs.....

**Various Places Around The Magazine

MAD-Jan., 1962, Vol. 1, Number 68, is published monthly except February, May,

August and November, by E.C. Publications, Inc., at 850 Third Avenue, New York 22,

New York. Second Class Postage paid at New York, N. Y. Subscriptions, 9 issues for $2.00

in the U.S. Elsewhere, $2.50. Allow 6 weeks for change of address to become effective. Entire

contents copyright 1961 by E.C. Publications, Inc. The Publisher and Editors will not be

responsible for unsolicited manuscripts and request all manuscripts be accompanied by a

stamped, self-addressed return envelope. The names of characters used in all MAD fiction and

are fictitious. A similarity without satiric purpose to a living person is a

coincidence.

Printed in U.S.A.

VITAL FEATURES

MIDNIGHT TV ROULETTE........

4

This new game affords a

relief from those horror.

movies and the Jack Paar

Show-which is a horror

any way you look at it!

IF "STARS" HAD ORDINARY JOBS......10

Here's what some big TV

and Movie Stars would be

doing if they hadn't got-

ten that "lucky break"-

mainly doing honest work!

CELEBRITIES' WALLETS.......

18

MAD peeks inside Senator

Barry Goldwater's wallet.

-examines its contents-

and finds that things are

all "right" in his world!

THE COMICS CHRISTMAS PARTY...24

Office Xmas Parties are

where most people choose

to become characters, but

here's a party where the

characters become people.

LANGUAGES OF THE U.S.A.....

27

There are several kinds

of business languages in

the U.S.A., but they all

I have a basic origin, the

language of double-talk!

FRATERNITIES

31144CNA

33

MAD takes a look at the

goings-on inside College.

Fraternities, and finds

that all men are brothers

... until they join one!

WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING?....39

Sometimes, Daddies have

a tough time explaining

how they make a living

to their youngsters-

at least we do at MAD!

THE GUNS OF MINESTRONE.....45

THRY PONT

N

REAL GUN

MAD levels a "blast" at

the "Guns" with a "burst"

of gags in an "explosive"

version that manages to

end up as a bigger "bomb"

----------- 2 -----------

CHANNEL CROSSING DEPT.

About a year ago, MAD offered an article called "Commercial Roulette" in which

we showed the risks involved in constant dial-switching when the commercial

comes on - mainly you might end up catching only the commercials. But nowadays,

there's an even worse risk involved in constant dial-switching - mainly you might

end up with what the TV networks offer as entertainment. However, there is a

time of day when lots of fun can be had by constant dial-switching, and that's

late at night, when the majority of people the ones that count - have gone to

bed, and the networks relax and pacify late viewers with cheap entertainment like

-

----------- 3 -----------

SORORITY, WRONG NUMBER DEPT.

newly arrived on college campuses this year, may now be wondering whether or not to join a fraternity-

You MAD readers who, through some extraordinary combination of luck and circumstance, found yourselves

in the unlikely event that you might be asked. During the "Rushing Season," suave frat men will woo you

inexperienced clods, you may be completely snowed under by this deluge of propaganda. To educate you,

with extravagant sales pitches for their organizations-and since most of you are undoubtedly naive and

and at the same time protect you, MAD now turns a very skeptical eye on the claims that are made by ...

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College

Fraternities

ARTIST: GEORGE WOODBRIDGE

WHAT THEY SAY...

WRITER: DON REILLY

WHAT WE SAY...